JOURNAL OF A PLAGUE YEAR
This will be the first of periodic blogs I plan to post during the pandemic of 2019-2020.
May 6, 2020 — Karen Wessel Marcus, my wife, Leslie’s, best friend since sixth grade, died of the Coronavirus Sunday night at 9:16 p.m. Eastern time. Her death came almost one month to the day after her 67th birthday. She’d been in the ICU ward of Lawrence hospital in Bronxville, NY, for more than two weeks, on a ventilator and in an induced coma. After many ups and downs, she underwent complete organ failure, and would have suffered a great deal if she’d miraculously survived. In the 55 years they’d known each other, Leslie and Karen were almost like sisters, yet without the petty annoyances and rivalries that sometimes arise between siblings. They shared everything, spoke to each other about virtually any subject without reservation. One aspect of their relationship I found charming was their habit of calling one another by their maiden last names, so Leslie was always “Ware” and Karen “Wessel.” I remember receiving a note from Karen shortly after I married Leslie in 1988. “Take care of our Ware,” she wrote on behalf of herself and her then-husband, Fraser Marcus.
Karen was a quirky woman with a sense of adventure, and she took a childlike delight in new experiences, such as the time we took her out star-gazing in the hills near our place in Arizona. She practically clapped when we showed her the Orion Nebula through our eight-inch telescope, and the Pleiades and celestial beacons like Sirius, Canopus, Arcturus. She’d lived in London for many years, and took her young son, Austin, trekking the Tunisian desert and checking out volcanoes in Iceland. Later on, divorced and back in the U.S., she got a notion to travel to places she and Austin had never seen. The destinations were not always exotic. Karen might say, “Let’s go to DesMoines! We’ve never been to DesMoines!” And then the two of them would board a plane for Iowa. I’d often wondered what Austin, by then in high school, told his classmates what he’d done on the weekend or on spring break. I went to DesMoines with my Mom?
Karen was kind and self-effacing, to the point that she’d referred to herself as “egoless.” My three granddaughters met her and liked her immediately when we journeyed to Nova Scotia, where Leslie’s extended family maintains a summer house. We sailed and canoed during the day and played pool or penny-ante poker at night. Karen was without fail delightful company.
About three weeks ago, Leslie and I were hiking in Arizona when Karen responded to a text from Leslie, who hadn’t heard back from her for awhile. Karen texted, “I’ve got the virus.” She had noticed the symptoms two weeks earlier but had not called a doctor, choosing instead to quarantine herself. She had told only her mother, brothers, and son. We were at a loss to explain this reticence, this extreme sense of privacy. Leslie tried to convince her friend to FaceTime with a doctor and get tested, but the advice wasn’t taken, and it was too late anyway. That night, unable to get out of bed, Karen called 911. An ambulance brought her to the hospital. Seventeen days later, Mark texted Leslie that her friend had passed. Leslie has been in tears, off and on, ever since, recalling a sisterhood that endured for more than half a century. In my mind, I multiply Leslie’s grief, and the grief of Karen’s family, by 72,271 — the number of U.S. deaths from Covid-19 as of Monday, May 4 — but no mathematics can communicate so much loss, so much sorrow.
A lovely remembrance
Phil, thank you for your beautiful tribute to my very dear friend and college roommate, Karen. I am deeply saddened by this news. I am comforted to know she is with the angels, as I can’t think of a kinder soul.
This keeps bringing tears – but less bitter with each re-read. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Much love (if I may) to you and Ware, from only Karen’s sometime Wattley.
Thank you for this, Phil, so beautifully portrays my sister’s spirit. What a gift she and Leslie had in each other, and for so long.
That’s what we need to focus our thoughts on. The relationship we all enjoyed with Karen for so many years.
Thank you, Suzette.
Karen and I were suite mates senior year at Mt.Holyoke. Neither of us liked the idea of coming home to “a single” at the end of the day. We lost touch about 20 years ago but today my memories of Karen shine. As a biology major I was in awe of her being an English major. Karen couldn’t fathom my being in a lab every afternoon. That year we shared rides to Dartmouth almost every weekend.
Karen, at Field and Stream, editing articles about fly fishing always made me smile. She patiently crawled around my tiny Manhattan apartment taking photographs of my first born. She had one enlarged as a gift and it remains one of my favorite. We both moaned the loss of stamped letters and couldn’t understand why others laughed at our long emails. We shared a love of the details.
I can see Karen’s face light up and hear her exclaim “Yes!” when something delighted her. I can see her at the library late at night insisting it was time for us to go back to South Rocky, check out milk and cookies and then climb to our fourth floor room together.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to share those memories with Karen, to be able to pick up our friendship and write long text messages to each other.
A beautiful commentary. I should have mentioned a memory by wife has of her when Karen was working at F&S: They were walking in midtown Manhattan when Karen noticed a woodcock, a wild bird that lives in wild places, lying wounded on the sidewalk. She rescued it. Evidently, it had gotten lost in migrating to its summer grounds and struck a building.
I’m so sorry. Leslie and you, and Karen’s loved ones are in my prayers tonight, Phil.
Thank you, Phil. Your words mean a lot! Karen was a remarkable woman and I was enjoying getting to know her over what I felt certain was going to be a long friendship, cemented in our common love of Austin and Holly. Best to you and Leslie!
A beautiful tribute and particularly looking at long time friendship.
Phil
You captured so much in your sensitive and heartfelt words.
Please hug Leslie for me. I know she derives a large measure of comfort from your insight.
While nothing that anyone can say can undo the tragedy and the extreme sadness felt by all but what you wrote paints an indelible portrait that all can remember in their mind’s eye.
Glad you appreciated the blog, Fraser. All the best from Leslie and me—Phil
Thank you for posting this lovely remembrance. Karen was warm, kind, and fun.
I recall meeting Karen while she lived in London in the early ’90s. She described to me how she and several terribly British nannies all met at her young son’s preschool and chatted at the close of the day. She impressed me with her honesty, warmth and fancy stroller. Godspeed Karen…<3
Leslie, and by relation, Philip, thank you for writing that beautiful memorial. Leslie, I believe we had the chance to meet around 1986, when I was building a wine cellar for Karen and Fraser in their Westchester home before my first overseas assignment in Africa. Philip, I read A Rumor of War decades ago on Mark’s recommendation, and it has stuck with me ever since. I’ve been best friends with Mark since we were 12, and I simply cannot imagine your pain, or Mark’s. This is changing us all, and in due course – if not already – history. Peace to you both. Thank you, Philip, for the beautiful eulogy.
Thanks so much for your kind comments, John. Leslie has been in touch with Mark and found that connection a comfort. We both send our best to you—Phil
I was in the same class as Karen’s brother Peter, and Leslie’s sister Jennifer. Another classmate had told me Peter’s sister was very sick, and this is the conclusion we dreaded. May she rest in peace.
Thank you for putting a human face to this and beautifully told. As you said,you multiply Leslie’s grief, and the grief of Karen’s family, by 72,271+. God have mercy.
Dear Leslie, I am so sorry for your loss. Phil, a lovely eulogy. Best wishes to you both.
Lovely piece, and it captures the Karen I’ve known since college days. I was shocked when I got the news on Tuesday, and very sad. Leslie, I recall happy times with you and Phil and Karen; I’m so sorry.
Hi, Sean. I’m glad you appreciated the post, and Leslie sends her best to you—Phil
Thank you so much, Joe. Be well–Leslie & Phil
Wonderful essay, Phil. Condolences to Leslie and to you, sounds like you both lost a great friend.
Thanks for your thoughts and kind words, Warren. Best to you and Laura—Phil
Beautifully written and so sorry to read about the loss of your long-time friend.
What a beautifully written article Phil..such a wonderful incite into Karen Leslie’s long time friend.im sure she is looking down on her family and her best friend and will value the time she had with them. THanks for writing this Phil giving us what a kind,vivacious,wonderful friend Karen was.May she rest in peace with the angels.
So sad we are all potential victims to corona
I pray this pandemic comes to an end before we have to lose more precious ones
My deepest condolences. John and I feel like we are living day-to-day with this horrible virus, as Matt and Allison are still living in its epicenter, have contracted it, but thankfully, have recovered. Leslie, my heart goes out to you. I lost my best and life-long friend several years ago. Phil, what a beautiful tribute to Karen. We are sending our love at this difficult time.♥️ John and Sue
I am so sorry for you & Leslie. This virus really scares me! Even though Leslie & I have never met my heart goes out to her. Prayers for both of you.
Marilyn Pilon
Thank you, Phil
Leslie and Karen’s souls will always share their love and lives. Keep the faith.